Killing me softly with his song

I underwent an eye operation recently.........STOP! If you find this too morbid, just enjoy the assorted photos of Jo Hyun-Jae above and sign off.

I've never had an operation before, but I'm not the squeamish type, and in any case, this is just a minor operation. My first impression was: the OT didn't really look like what I saw on TV. My second impression was: my ophthalmologist looked different in a surgical cap and gown.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on the operation table. My face was covered with a thick cloth, so that even my good eye could not see anything. My bad eye was taped open, so the doctor could work on it.

An oxygen tube was stuffed into my nostrils, in case I suffocate, I suppose.

The doctor said: "I'm going to inject you now and it's going to hurt -- a little." It hurt more than a little, but once the local anaesthetics set in , I didn't feel a thing around my eye.

The doctor kept saying: "Relax! Relax!" but how could I when I could distinctly hear him saying: "Forceps." "Knife." and "Water cornea." (whatever that is) and I had the funny feeling I was the piece of meat on the butcher block.

How did I get through my half-hour operation? First I started praying. After I finished reciting a whole rosary, the doctor was still not done. So I began to think about Jo Hyun-Jae and quickly ran through all his dramas. And came to rest on Andrea.

Thinking about Andrea (or JHJ as Andrea) had a calming effect on me. I saw in my mind's eye his innocent face, his sweet smile, his grace under pressure -- and I felt better.

And then somehow I came to focus on the Crown Prince in "Great Ambition" (Dae Mang). That scene in which he was talking to the wall appeared over and over again in my mind. He looked so forlorn, so helpless, so solitary that it broke my heart. I sniffed a little and the doctor barked: "Don't move!"

Somehow dwelling on the Crown Prince's plight took my mind off my own situation. JHJ has the capacity to help me through physical ordeals. The last time was at the dentist, but that is another story.

JHJ's own life (especially his early life) has not exactly been a bed of roses, but there is not the slightest trace of ravage in his face. JHJ has a serenity about him that is quite extraordinary, considering how hard he had to struggle and how much he had to suffer as a teenager. The Chinese have a saying: "Your looks reflect your heart." JHJ's heart must be pure for him to look so serene. There is an outer-worldly quality about him, an aura of tranquillity, an above-the-fray demeanor, a "far from the madding crowd" attitude, a certain aloofness that could be mistaken for arrogance. The eyes are windows into the soul. His eyes are so clear and so luminous that you feel you can read his heart. He may be a good actor, but he cannot fool all of the people all of the time. So I'm convinced what you see is what you get.

I thought about JHJ all day, because after the anaesthetics wore off, the pain came. I did not want to take any painkillers. JHJ is my painkiller. My eye (that was operated on) was under an eye-patch and I could not wear my glasses, so I could not see anything clearly. I could only see JHJ in my mind's eye, so I spent the whole day (and the next) dreaming of him. At least I could listen to him on my MP3, so I let him kill me softly with his songs.